Integrity First

Funny... I used to play a cruel game with my supervisors when I first joined the Air Force - so long ago. I'd ask them with wide, curious eyes where they were stationed in 1973 or 1984. With that setup, I'd knock 'em flat when I'd boastfully tell them that I was in preschool or junior high that year. They'd grimace or laugh then shake their heads. Here's the rub... now I supervise airmen who were in diapers the day I first slipped on my uniform in basic training. Like I said, it was a cruel game :o)

Well, once upon a time when I joined the Air Force, Uncle Sam asked and expected you to tell him truthfully if you were a homosexual - the intent was to keep gays and lesbians out. I lied when I enlisted - big deal. I knew I was gay... not that I had any practical experience in the matter :o) I didn't expect to stay in the service more than one enlistment anyway so who was I gonna hurt by a little lie? Get some college money and get out. That was my plan... so long ago.

Nowadays, folks aren't asked if they're gay to join up. Supposedly, that allows homosexuals to serve without having to lie. All it really does is subtracts one of the many lies made during a gay servicemember's career. "What'd you do this weekend? How's your love life? Who are you dating? You're a catch. Why aren't you married?" If you're gay and in the military, each of these fairly simple questions raises a real moral dilemma. Tell the truth or craft yet another white lie. An honest answer ends your career.

Integrity First is the number one core value of the Air Force. All service branches have a version of integrity written into their core values. Think about it. If servicemembers didn't have integrity in their words, actions, behaviors, and ultimately work ethic, what would we have as a national defense structure? In the military, everything is built on integrity. Remember, I'm talking about the military - not politicians.

Unfortunately, that little word - integrity - creates a lot of personal conflict. It does for me anyway. I'm basically a good guy - just ask my partner :o) To be clear, I'm not in conflict about honestly acknowledging I'm gay - far from it. Ask my family or anyone I call a friend and they all know I'm gay. It's the only reason I really come out to anyone - to be honest with them. The conflict for me is when I put on my uniform and go into my office. To preserve my spotless military record, I lie to Uncle Sam - and deal with it internally. It's there I'm dishonest about what I did on my summer vacation and who I love.

Eventually, white lies become gray and black. One lie is harmless I suppose... now imagine a lifetime of them. What does that build? A house of cards ready to fall. And they do fall - don't fool yourself and think a person can exist compartmentalizing a lifetime of lies and not have spill over. Who cares, who gets hurt? Maybe the servicemember? Maybe the mission? Maybe "We, the People..."?

I want to give you a glimpse of that story... my life of service as a gay man in the Air Force.

Funny... Congress and the President thought they provided a compromise when they enacted Don't Act, Don't Tell so long ago. They were right. They compromised a lot. Most of all, Integrity.

The United States Air Force Has Three Core Values:

Integrity First

Service Before Self

Excellence in All We Do

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" violates the First Core Value, Takes Advantage of the Second, and Compromises the Third